Fighting Giants
The giant was a terrifying enemy; even the best warriors of Israel trembled at the thought of fighting him. David was merely a young shepherd and a musician, yet he was the one to defeat the giant. How did he do it? He had three smooth stones in his slingshot, and he hit the giant between his eyes. THE GIANT HAS NO DEFENSE WHEN HE IS HIT IN HIS THIRD EYE. He cannot defend himself against these three things: truth, virtue and love. So that's the message for us: to speak the truth; to work on our own virtue; and to act with love. At this point in history, all three take courage...- Marianne Williamson
So what does one do when they have had a 3 day relapse? You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and begin again of course. I went to the doctor and found that from the 550 I was when I started this journey, I am now 459 GREAT NEWS! So why did I immediately self sabotage?. It was like my brain turned off and I went into self sabotage haywire. Gaining back 4 pounds in 3 days. My immediate reaction was the same old remorse, anger and regrets.
This morning, I went to the grocery store and bought a bunch of veggies and fruit, my Fage 0 Greek yogurt and crystal light. I began my Sunday ritual of making my 14 fruit bowls and 21 veggie baggies for the week. I do this because it makes life easier and convenient through the week. I have to remember that this journey is about progress not perfection.
I have to say that the change in gas prices was evident when I went grocery shopping. Every item I bought seemed to be a dollar higher. Eating right is a financial struggle. I am going in debit with this lifestyle change. I even wondered if I would need to go to a food bank like half of the country, but when I did visit one not that long ago I saw them handing out all the processed crap that the stores could not sell. There were very few vegetables. No matter what it takes I am going to do what it takes to recover and if I need to pinch pennies that's what I'll do but it will be with quality nutrition.
I have been talking a lot about the giant in my life this week, I have decided to go under hypnosis and to use Nero-linguistic programming to see if I can get some breakthroughs to those moments when I seem to detach and the fear filled addict comes out. Nero-linguistic programming (NLP) is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy created in the 1970s. The title refers to a stated connection between the neurological processes ("neuro"), language ("linguistic") and behavioral patterns that have been learned through experience ("programming") and can be organized to achieve specific goals in life.I will add this to my life of art, working out at the gym, and diet. NLP Hypnotist friend Dave Berman described this to me when he said that there is the jockey who knows what to do and then there is the 1000 pound horse the jockey is riding. The horse is well trained but not necessarily compliant to the wishes of the jockey. NLP bypasses the jockey (conscious) and speaks to the horse (sub conscious).
I am learning how to speak the truth; to work on our own virtue; and to act with love. I am learning how to love myself. This journey is about progress and not perfection. that has been part of my problem Somehow I got it into my head as a child that I had to be perfect ad there was not room for progress. This of course meant instant failure. How I got this crazy notion in my head is still a mystery to me. But I am aware now and I am making progress. If someone ever reads this I want them to know that this big woman did everything she could to live a victorious, creative life in the end and that's all that matters.
